Daddy’s home from the war
Mommy, why is Daddy so different than he was before?
Why is he so jumpy after the war?
Your Daddy has a dis-order, it's called PTSD.
That means after the danger, he reacts suddenly.
The war gave him symptoms that are normal and real,
He needs our understanding and support in order to heal.
What is a symptom Mommy? What do they do?
A symptom explains how a disease changes you.
Daddy was really scared in the war and lost control of his fate,
The symptom called hypervigilance means
he'll get that scared again,
even if we come home five minutes late.
It also means he'll still look for danger all around,
He'll need to control his environment to feel safe and sound.
Daddy will also be really protective of me and you.
Sometimes he'll be THAT scared that we might die too.
We'll have to be very patient and wherever we roam,
We have to assure Daddy we'll come safely home.
Is that why Daddy won't let me go out, like other kids do?
Because he's afraid someone will kill me too!
But why did he change Mommy? Am I to blame?
No child, war changes people, they are never the same.
Why is he so angry? What did I do?
Know this my child:
Big people have big problems too.
Other peoples emotions don't belong to you!
People who suffer from ptsd fly into a rage really fast.
That's because of the trauma they lived in the past.
We're all born with a natural instinct that keeps us alive.
Daddy had to get really angry in the war to survive.
Now when he's triggered, he still gets THAT angry too.
That's why he blasts shrapnel from the war all over me and you.
The symptoms of ptsd include irritability, and outbursts of anger dear child.
That means when he's hurting, his symptoms go wild.
What's a trigger Mommy? Is it like shooting a gun?
Kind of. A trigger's a reminder, it's not any fun!
When he remembers a feeling he had in the war,
The emotional blast is just as strong as before.
Why does Daddy blame me for being so loud?
Your Daddy saw children blown up in a crowd.
Is that why he jumps when he hears a loud noise?
Even if I am only playing with my toys?
Why yes, dear child, you're such a thrill!
The war was full of loud noises that startle him still.
Any loud noise can trigger symptoms of ptsd,
Please don't take Daddy's reactions personally.
When he's driving why does he curse and wear a mean face?
That's because the roads in a war zone were a dangerous place.
In an instant, people died right in front of his eyes.
That means he still gets really anxious at the slightest surprise.
A simple mistake, or a sudden, unexpected change, jump starts his heart.
It feels like he's been ambushed and he's falling apart.
The symptoms make Daddy feel weird, defective, and crazy.
Sometimes he forgets things because his memory gets hazy.
Mommy why did Daddy yell at me when I cried?
Because seeing you sad reminds him of a buddy who died.
If he hears us yell, or scream out in pain,
He winds up reliving the war all over again.
Why doesn't he seem to love us very much anymore?
Because Daddy learned to turn off his feelings to survive the war.
When bad things happened, it was too dangerous to sit down and cry.
Feelings were a liability that might cause you to die.
Then some traumatic experiences are just too painful to feel,
So nature makes us go numb to give us time to heal.
It's called 'flattened range of affect' technically,
That just means ptsd affects people emotionally.
Daddy feels really guilty for reacting this way.
He doesn't understand that it's normal, and we'll be okay.
PTSD is like flipping a switch to turn on the light,
Soldiers were trained by the military to stand up and fight.
They can flip that switch too, to turn off the pain,
That means turning off all emotions until none remain.
The symptoms of ptsd mimic emotional abuse dear,
It's normal for survivors to avoid pain and fear.
Doesn't Daddy know he's home from the war now?
Yes, but his body remembers the fear anyhow.
Sometimes he'll get really nervous, like he's heading out on a mission.
He might even sleep sitting up in a funny position.
In the war it was even too dangerous to sleep,
Daddy still pulls guard duty on the nightmares he keeps.
Is that why Daddy won't come to see my play?
Why he's afraid to go out on any God given day?
Yes, public places can make his symptoms appear,
Seeing a lot of people killed in one place fills him with fear.
He might still sit in a resteurant with his back to the wall,
Or jump out of his skin from the ringing of a telephone call.
Why can't we touch Daddy while he's still asleep?
Daddy had to be really alert for survivals sake.
Now he's still ready for combat before he's awake.
He might even mistake us for the enemy,
And wind up hurting us accidentally.
My friend said Daddy is crazy, he has a mental dis-ease!
Is that really true Mommy, can you tell me please?
Your Daddy's not crazy, ptsd is a nervous system dis-ease.
Nature designed all people to fight, flee, or freeze.
Daddy has normal symptoms because war is insane!
There is nothing at all wrong with your Daddy's brain!
Post Traumatic Stress puts your nervous system out of order each day,
It causes an injury that won't go away.
It's an anxiety dis-order where his autonomic nervous system is broken,
Then some ptsd symptoms are caused by trauma left unspoken.
Is ptsd contagious Mommy? Can I catch it too?
Will Daddy's dis-ease affect me and you?
Yes child, even specially trained doctors catch second hand ptsd,
That means the risk factors are greater for you and for me.
Plus families are systems that work together as one,
What affects one family member affects everyone.
How can we stop it from spreading so fast?
If we do catch it Mommy, how long will it last?
If we're not careful, even your children can exhibit symptoms of ptsd,
That means we have to take special care of you, Daddy, and me.
Mommy why am I different than the kids that I know?
Why didn't their daddy's have to go?
Oh child, all people on earth feel sorrow and pain,
Your Daddy's a brave soldier, and he'd do it again!
Are there other families like us changed by war?
How come I haven't met them before?
There are many more like us, more and more each day,
Suffering scared and alone, in much the same way.
Why didn't they tell us when he left for the war?
The Daddy I loved wouldn't be the same anymore?
My child know this:
Big people have big problems too,
That's one answer I don't have for you.
Denial is the first symptom of ptsd,
It's been around since the beginning of all history.
I wish my dear child, I could promise you this:
We can't heal alone, we'll need lots of help to recover.
The VA will teach us how to care for each other.
Our country wouldn't betray us,
Or leave us to suffer alone without aide,
They will stand and uphold the promises they made.
Our nations the best, and it's very wealthy,
The VA will ensure our family gets healthy.
You have my word of honor we'll be okay,
Our family will receive the best care at the VA.
I'm sorry my dear child, but trauma shatters trust.
Our government leaves ptsd families alone in the dust!
They can't properly care for the wounded soldiers war made,
Forget about the family suffering alone and afraid.
Mommy, sometimes I get really angry when Daddy's not on my side.
The anger is evidence of the pain and fear we're all trying to hide.
I get mad sometimes too, smoking red hot!
It really hurts that the war cost our family a lot.
I'm afraid Daddy doesn't love us when he gets THAT mad.
Dear child, nothing on earth could hurt him that bad.
Because he almost died in the war,
he loves you more than ever.
And no matter what, he will love you forever.
Little things become a big emergency with ptsd,
Emotional regulation is broken chemically.
Cortisol is depleted and body chemistry gets all out of whack.
When he feels threatened or out of control,
The best form of defense is attack.
PTSD can be severe, moderate, or mild,
Because we love Daddy we're CO survivors of trauma my child.
Some of us have paid a heavy price for loving a combat vet,
But we know he's worth it, don't ever forget!
Though we feel different, we're normal and sane,
The war injured your daddy but he's not to blame.
All soldiers and their loved ones deserve to recover.
We can start by taking good care of each other.
Just like your Daddy, we're strong, proud, and brave,
Others like us know the sacrifices we gave.
I promise dear child, our love will survive.
Now lets go hug Daddy, and thank him for being alive.
Chris Woolnough
11/09/07
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